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TIPS FOR PARENTS: TALKING WITH YOUR TEEN
Develop a rapport. Learn about your teen’s interests. Does your teen enjoy sports, music, video games or shopping? Ask questions and learn about what makes them happy. If you make a habit of having positive conversations with your teen it will be easier to have a difficult conversation when you need to.
Talk honestly with your teen. Be direct and open but respectful. Teenagers are not yet adults but they are developing their own independence. It is natural for them to question their parents. Talk with them as an equal and build a mutually respectful discussion.
Don’t lose your cool. Teenagers are great at annoying their parents. Don’t react when the do. Conversations might get uncomfortable but try to keep the conversation going. During this time in their lives, they are forming their own identities and testing limits. Take a minute. Then respond.
Admit your mistakes. If you do lose your cool, recognize it and apologize. Saying you are sorry can be a very powerful thing for your teen to hear from you.
Provide your opinion without lecturing. You’ll no doubt disagree with something your teen has to say but don’t judge their point of view. Avoid negative statements like, “you’re wrong” and try positive statements like, “I understand what you mean, but here’s another way to look at it.”
Give your teen your full attention. Let your cell phone go to voicemail. Turn the TV off. Have a one-on-one discussion with your teen. Listen to them with earnest. Provide a thoughtful, caring ear for them to share with and they just might start to open up.
These websites provide even more information about talking with your teen:
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•The Partnership for a Drug-Free America: Tips for Raising Drug-Free Teens
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•Talk With Your Kids: Talking With Kids About Alcohol and Drugs
The Bernards Township Municipal Alliance began in 1991 with the mission to provide consultation, programs, training and resources to members of the Bernards Township Community with the goal of preventing and reducing the use of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.
In 2005 and 2007, we surveyed local students from William Annin and Ridge High School in grades 6, 8, 10 and 12 about their inclination toward alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana. Here’s a sample of what we discovered:
From the American Drug and Alcohol Survey, 2007...
In the past month half of Ridge High School seniors report being drunk, 69% report drinking, while another third used marijuana.
5% of 11 and 12 year-olds and 14% of 13 and 14 year-olds in William Annin Middle School report drinking in the past month.
Ridge High School seniors report using alcohol for the first time at age 14 (that’s starting in 8th grade).
From the Student Stressors and Assets Survey, 2005...
Almost 25% of William Annin and Ridge High School students grades 6, 8, 10 and 12 report feeling too much pressure from parents to do well.
28% of William Annin 6th and 8th graders and Ridge 10th and 12th graders who play sports 11 or more hours per week also indicated using alcohol without permission 6 or more times in a year.
40% of 6th, 8th, 10th, and 12th graders report that their families do not have clear rules about what they can and cannot do.
Want to learn more about these local stats? Download the surveys:
